Idle Wives and Their Lives

Now in my third week of unemployed bliss, I've settled on the idea that work just isn't for me. Sure, it may have once been the source of my self worth but is it possible to work a 9-5 AND take 3 hour long trips to Walgreens on Wednesday afternoons? There's nothing like walking up and down EVERY aisle just because I can, its not like there is anywhere I need to be.

Then there is Emeryville. Emeryville is yuppie shopping mecca. From what I've read and heard it used to be a shithole back in the day and they've recently renovated, built lofts, kicked out the bums and brought IKEA in. That's how you know you're on the yuppie consumer map: IKEA comes to town.

Here's what the Target looks like:



Nice huh? This Target is technically in Albany, not Emeryville but the two places are total BFF's.

The whole place has a very distinct Riverside-ness to it. Everything is new, no real history, cookie cutter housing projects, lots of parking. I spent most of this week running around buying shit left and right. But I wasn't alone. Housewives were out in droves, some with babies, most with bad outfits made worse by their Louis Vuitton purses. Much like me, they were pushing their carts as if they had nowhere else to be. I mean, does spending someone else's money really feel as satisfying as spending your own?

I'd like to be one of those women that considers "housewife" a real job and believes that a housewife is entitled to half of what her husband makes, but I just don't buy it. I need the check to have MY name on it. The only way I could be okay with the housewife bit would be if I invoiced my husband every month for services rendered. Then the check would have my name on it and I could do whatever I wanted with it. Buy baby chicks perhaps and put them all in gold lamé suits. Who cares? It's my money.

Eventually, the on-the-job sexual harrassment would become an issue and I'd have to take him to court. Luckily, the settlement check will cover the cost of the sweatsuits, LV purses, and scrunchies I'll need to fit in with the other crusty moms walking around IKEA.