Weekend

Again. I don't think I can reiterate this enough: Bay Area Thrift Stores Blow My Mind.



HOW CUTE IS THIS?! You are so jealous. Yes you are. It's okay, I would be too. Except IT'S MINE! I won't even tell you how much it cost. ($11)

I cleaned my room and laid in my bed, not sleeping, just laying there. I took stupid pictures, finishing up the last of my AA batteries.

Age Aint Nuthin' but a Number

Working in PR/Marketing/ZabbityDo whatever you wanna call it, I've learned a couple of things. One is, being young can be the kiss of death. If you are too young people automatically think 1 of 2 if not 2 of 2 things:

1.) You are a totally naive, know-nothing idiot

2.) You are an over eager, cut throat tracy flickesque drone who's spirit deserves to be broken

Working in a office with several young women, we're all walking around like underage groupies backstage at a concert, thinking older thoughts and being very careful not to disclose our ages.

How I celebrated:

For the past couple of weeks I've been cooking all of my meals at home. My once impressive savings had been bitch slapped into the 3 digits. When I finally got a job offer from new job, that from here on out will be known as "New Job", I decided to let the purse strings loose and splurge!

First I bought the new chicken fries from Burger King. I had been wanting them for weeks! That "Spongebob No Pants" commercial KILLS me. Plus they come in this box:



Then I went to Longs and bought a book of Mexican masks. You carefully cut out and paste the masks together. HOURS of fun. Really.





The masks really creep Suneal out so I can't wear them around him. I might hide one under his pillow though.

WE'RE SAVED!!

After 2 long, tumultuous months of raised hopes, lost hopes, bad interviews, bang issues, nail biting, and a little soul searching...i finally landed a job. I'll be working at an ad agency.

what does this mean for you???

It means you don't have to hear me whine about not having a job anymore!

For Goodness SAKE bomb

When Alice said she was coming to visit, I promised her a good time. Little did I know that a "good time" would include a sake induced mini-coma, losing $20 dollars to Suneal, and throwing up on my new suede pumps.

Things I remember:

• Drinking 7 or so sake bombs
• Needing to pee 7 or so times
• Kindly replacing the roll of toilet paper in the Michi restaurant bathroom

Things I vaguely remember:

• Losing my napkin early in the night and discovering that the table cloth works just as well.
• Paying Suneal $20 to drink a cup of water that had ginger floating in it (in retrospect, not that difficult a task).
• High-fiving, a lot.

Things I don't remember but believe are true:

• Throwing up on a toyota tercel, rinsing my mouth out with fanta, and then blowing the fanta on the toyota tercel.
• Losing a bet to Alice on who could pull a number at Rosie McCann's first. (Damn you Alice!)
• Swishing my hand around in toilet water for fun.

I think that about covers it. I'd like to thank Jackie and her sister Jen for having fun and reckless bday parties. I'd like to thank Suneal for taking care of my drivers license and offering to buy milk with his winnings. I'd like to thank jeff for making sure I didn't die and putting up with drunk-girl-on-the-bathroom-floor shennanigans. Finally I'd like to thank Banh Mi Alice for being her usual fun and crazy self. You are the will to my too-drunk-to-talk guy.

Wham! Bam! Thank You SPAM!

A couple of months ago I went through a really intense spam musubi phase. Any time I was hungry the only food that would whet my appetite was SPAM SUSHI. After spending many, many monies at various Hawaiian food spots, Alice suggested that I just make my own.

At first I was totally befuddled. How could I make my own Hawaiian food? Its such a foreign culture, I don't know anything about it.

Then Alice reminded me that its SPAM we're talking about and it hardly counts as cooking.

So I gave it a try and guess what? Its DELICIOUS and CHEAP and EASY. I highly recommend it to anyone on a budget, lazy and not on a diet.

Hotel Jojoter

In the two months I've been at my new apartment I've hosted 10 different guests, no samesies. Having people over is a delight, especially since I have the time and energy to make sure we have fresh fruit, clean sheets, extra toothbrushes etc.

Suneal hasn't mentioned anything about it yet but I wouldn't be surprised if he thought I was running a hostel to make extra cash.

Here's what I can promise if you choose to stay at Hotel Jojoter:

Luxury paisley print Luxury Futon with Luxury velvet pillow
Breathtaking balcony view of downtown Oakland
Somewhat less impressive view of Bay Bridge if you hang out the balcony a little bit
The charming sound of whistling pipes with every flush!
Easy access ot 880 and 580 freeways
Free Wi-Fi

Let me know when you wanna come. Book early, spots will fill up!

Separation Anxiety

With all the extra sleep I've been getting lately (still no job) my dreams are outta control. Its like my unconscious knows my brain is bored so it has to make up all this drama when I'm sleeping.

I had your typical End of the World type dream a couple of nights ago. The entire planet had been torn apart by a WW III: Return of the Fascists. My family and I were all on the losing side so we, and hundreds of others, were forced onto a disease ridden fugee boat. The oppressive fascist "bad guys" were played by an ALL BLACK army led by Puff Daddy. ---I'm not even kidding--- To ensure that our side would remain weak they separated all of the families, shipping individual members to different countries.

My parents were allowed to stay together and were shipped away to someplace. My sister was sent to Denmark alone and I was forced to stay on the boat, with the "bad guys". Ten or so years pass and I escape the boat and head for Tennessee to reunite with an aunt who was never forced from her home in the first place. I never quite figured out why she was allowed to stay and live a peaceful life but I clearly remember being very bitter about her good fortune. She explains to me that Karla struggled in Denmark and was very lonely but had recovered and now had two children and a Danish husband. My parents were never heard from again.

It was a sad effin dream. But the worst part was feeling so disconnected from my sister. I can't imagine being away long enough to miss her having kids.

I think we can skip the interpretation part of the segment as it is all too obvious. Let's just say my brain has the kind of lips that sink ships run by fascist black pirates.

Blockbusted

Whenever I forget to return movie rentals to Blockbuster the Reminder Robot calls my parents' house.

It goes a little something like, "We have not yet received ___(title of movie)___ if you do not return it by ___(random date)___ we will charge you...blah blah blah.

The first time Blockbuster called my house for a late movie was when I forgot to return "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex but Were too Afraid to Ask" by Woody Allen. My dad called me that night was was like, "Um, (cough) you umm (cough) you forgot to return a movie to blockbuster" and then he quickly changed the subject. I doubt he's ever heard of the movie and was very surprised to hear a robotic voice telling him that his daughter had forgotten to return a movie called "something something something SEX something something something".

My dad called me again today to say that I, "ummm (cough) forgot to ummm (cough) return SOME movie to Blockbuster." I took a look around the apartment and realized I hadn't returned "SEX and the City: Season 4, Volume 1" yet. Now that they assume I'm some sort of deviant, me moving away is the least of their worries.

No Woman, No Lie

My downstairs neighbor Laura is quite a character. She hates Oakland and is VERY bitter about having to move here because her husband was accepted to Berkeley. She has a pleasant enough demeanor but hehind those hazel eyes I sense a very angry woman.

Suneal can't stand her. Mostly because Suneal is a positive guy with a positive attitude and negative attitudes are just not his deal. I don't really mind her - -- except that she wants to be my new best friend. She is "so glad that nice people moved in upstairs" and is very confused by Victoria in Apt #2 who "used to be so friendly but lately seems too busy to talk".

Oh Brother.

The worst part about living in a creaky apartment with hard wood floors and squeaky pipes is that our downstairs neighbors can hear what we're up to. Normally this wouldn't bother me so much, except that it makes lying about not being home very impossible. For those of you who know me and my proclivity to social lying, this situation is very frustrating.

Laura came up the other day and asked if I wanted to hang out. I said, while still in my pajamas, "Oh, you know, I'm on my way out." So she smiled and said, "Well, some other time then" and returned to her apartment. That left me with no option but to leave my apartment and find something to do because otherwise she would know I was a liar.

Does anyone know where I can get those footsie slips Mark Wahlberg used at the end of The Departed??